Depression

I think i'm suffering from depression.
I guess its the amount of things that sum-ed up this past few weeks.
There's this high possibility i'll probably suffer from depression and just drop dead somewhere.

I'm having night lessons in case you don't know.
Only on tuesday and friday but its enough to kill me.
Imagine this, i had lessons for 9 hours last friday.
As if that wasn't enough, every other thing else is piling up.
For instance, school work.
Argh. I seriously have to rush everything out in like this two days.
Can't afford to lose time.
Can i buy time?

I have to say, i wonder why people change faster than the weather?
One min its this, and the other min, its gone.
Its either gone or changed.
I have no idea why are things this way, but honestly, i don't think i should know.

Sometimes i think i don't have that right to know
Yet, alot of times i wish i had it.
How i wish you'd for my sake, do sth about it.
But no, it wouldn't change.
You wouldn't.

Am i asking for too much?
Or am i just acting like a fool again, time and time.
Each time falling into the same old thing again?
But why does it seem to me that, i have to?
Cause i can't resist you.
I can't say no.
I can't refuse you.

No, no.
Each time i tell myself, it's me.
It has to be me.
I'm asking for too much, i want too much.
I'm asking for so much, it's taking a toll on me.
It's taxing. So taxing i can't work it out in my mind.

You're like math algebra question i can never work out.
You know, those really complicating ones?
That i can NEVER seem to figure out.
Cause you're unpredictable.
Things are.
Everything is unpredictable.
Just like how we met.

Sigh.

I need people you know.
But at the same time, i like the feeling of not being bothered.
BUT.
I need you.
Much as every drop of my blood flowing through, everytime my blood pumps.
Everytime my heart beats one time, i think of you.
Surpressing doesn't help.
Not one single bit.

The more i surpress, the more i feel, i'm collapsing.
But no, i can't reject you.
I can't turn my back on you.
I can't seem to ditch you aside.
I can't seem to not have you by my side.
Useless i am, i know, but it's true.

I miss you...

ok. Bye