Today, i'm no longer gonna speak
in a 3rd person view.
I'm gonna speak to all of you,
as me. The me, y'all know.

After a month and 9 days, i realise..
I dont matter that much no more.
Do i?

I guess, it doesnt matter either.
To both you, and i.

I read some stuffs and realised..

In the past i thought i am someone.
I thought, i could change you.
Change you into someone i think
is better.

But a few days ago, i finally knew
changing someone you really care
is not the best way out.

As i've said in my previous post,
love is never about changing.
Its all about understanding your other half.

Now that i've totally understood it,
i dont have much of a chance to prove it.
Despite that, i still take things into hands.
Things regarding you and your everything.
I apologise for that.

Because, till now, even though its been a month
and 9 days since we ended this,
i still care.
As a matter of fact, i care for you more than
anyone else. Including myself.

I'd cook you porridge and sit downstairs
thinking if i should msg you in the early morning.
And when i didnt have the courage to do so,
i threw the porridge i cooked overnight.

When you dont remember whats on 1st May,
i sat in the cinema watching Fracture,
with a really fractured heart and distracted mind.
I said really harsh words, which i really yearn for a slap
for everything i've said.

And despite that, not once have you rebuked.

When i thought its was totally impossible
to not worry about your high fever,
all you could say was "dont worry"
I kept wondering, how could i not?
When you keep thinking everything else
is so much much more important than your health.

I kept thinking you're so selfish.
You only bothered about sch,
and whatever other activities you had.
While i kept holding onto my phone
thinking when you'd "msg me later"
Wondering how's your fever,
how're you feeling.

I could only come up with a conversation
starting with "How're you feeling today?"
Or, "How's your fever? Did it return"

Even when i wanna get the msg of
"I miss you" across, i have to think
of some dumb pick up line.

Everytime i think of all these,
i feel so angry, i type a whole load of
crap on my phone and each time when i'm
about to send it out, i'd clear everything.

Because you dont even know how i feel.

But, when reality hits me..

I know, i know.
I really do.
We're over.

I cant expect anymore from you.
I cant expect you to know.
I cant expect you to realise.
I cant expect anything else from you,
anymore.

I'm not trying to act noble.

I'm only trying to express how i feel.

I'm sorry if i'm bad at it,
i cant help it.

Even though i know its gonna be hard
Its gonna be so impossible for me..

Baby,

I'm gonna have to learn to try to let you go...


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