I believe in karma/retributions.
Do you?

I believe whatever's happening to me now,
is a form of retribution for whatever i did in the past,
how i treated people in the past,
how bad a person i am.

I remember once, i was talking to XX,
and you were on the other phone,
you said "lucky you dont speak to me in that manner
if not, i think i'll get very upset"

I believe its karma..

I dont wanna sound so emo.
I dont wanna act like some emo fuck.
But i'm sorry.
I really cant help it.

Maybe there are others out there
who are acting way more worse than i am,
okay, do me a favour.

Teach me a thing or two.

What?

Entertain sucidal thoughts?
Cut myself?
Get wasted and waste my life away?
Go work and numb myself?
Take up a few jobs at a time and work to death?
Or,
Everyday sit at home, like some fuck shyt
and emo my life away?

Okay, i shall consider no. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Actually i think no. 3 suits me most.

People who thinks they should die,
well, go ahead.
Fucking drop dead.
Why wait longer?
Just die.
Stop wasting Earth's resources.
You're saving mothernature.
Seriously, just die.

I know i should be talking bout such things no more,
but every night, at such timings, i have to.

I dont know whats so hard to let go,
and move on.

Angel : "Camilia, what the fuck are you thinking?
Get on with your fucking life
and stop dwelling on something thats not
gonna change, for god's sake."

Devil : "Camilia, dont. If there's ever a chance of getting
back together, you should wait and see. Patience!"

Angel : "Nonsense, you should just move on
and you'll probably meet someone new.
So stop dwelling on this."

Devil : "Shut the fuck up. Dont make things difficult.
Life's simple. You wanna wait, you wait. If you think
there's another chance, WAIT."

Angel : "Okay, so what if there isnt?"

Devil : "Then we'll go with your way."

Angel : "Thats nonsense. What makes you think things
are THAT simple? If its that simple, there wont be people
commiting suicide every single god damn day"

Devil : "Thats their problem. Why make life so difficult for
yourself? Yes, everything may have their problems, obstacles.
But if you look at it with a different view, you'll feel better.
So, WAIT."

Angel : "NO."

Devil : "WAIT."

I think sth's wrong with me.
I'm even having imaginery friends.
Or rather, angel and devil.

If you can actually understand them,
the Devil's representing me.
HA.

Oh well.
Angel?
I dont even need to mention.

I need a shrink.


i dont know how you moved on that fast.
how you can act like its totally nth anymore.
how you can sound so nonchalant.
how you can not bother at all.
i refuse to believe thats it
but it is..
baby, i miss you. i really do.