i've been thinking.

do i really have that many friends?

cant seem to put into words why
that thought suddenly appeared.

so i classified.

the bartley group
the group consisting regina, sherry, jas
the group with poh hup and guys
the group with kaywai and guys
the 4E4 group
the bartley band group
the mbs band group
the mbs primary sch classmates group
the fab/stef/min group
the Bliss group
the ex-bartleyans group
the senior bartley band group
the usual clubbing gang
the so-called juniors group
the ambience gang
the "gan ma" coffee sessions

see. thats not alot.
thats actually little.

so coincidentally,
everytime i think i only have that
one program for a day,
i actually have 3 in a day.

so simple to say
i'm either SUPER FREE
or i'm super packed.

here's a lil tip.
the coming saturdays are
taken up by the Bliss group.

every last saturday of the month
is for the fab/stef/min group

of course, there are those
individual meeting ups.

damn it. i seriously dont know
where the fuck i'm getting to.

let's just end this here.

erase whatever yu read up there.

bye.





















i rejoiced.
i replied like i would delete it
the next min, but i didnt.

for a min, i thought i was the only one.
then i realised, i'm not.

and worse of all, mine was so indirect.

i'm never a person who fancied
comparison nonetheless sacarsm.

yet now i am.

i sat in a room with so many people
so many people they're so oblivious
to the one person laughing at things
that arent at all funny

i hear the silence across the room
the silence engulfing the only thought
i've been entertaining for the past
few pathetic weeks of it all

laughing may not be the best way out
but i'm sure thats one hell of a consolation.
well, at least, to me it is.

despite the facade
deep down inside i see it breaking apart

the refusal to do anything

the negligence towards everything

i only know, i'm one hell of a loser.
because to date.

i still cant let go. i'm still clinging onto
a very minimal hope of things going back
to where we were.

i hope. i wish. i dream.
i pray. i want to.

but it all seems so far away.

one thing for sure.

i miss yu. i really do.