he'd always smile at me no matter how angry he is
others say its because he always wanted a daughter
but he had 3 sons instead

i'd always shove those thoughts away
because, i knew he truly loved me..

it seems just like yesterday
that he just carried me and smiled
calling my name

since 5 years old
i've been regarding him like my other dad

i started staying over since primary 3
i was so close to them
if felt like i had another family
another set of parents
more siblings...

he always treated me good

news came to me as a shock
and i was too stunned to even think..

thank yu, to that person who was with me..

on the cab
rushing to the hospital

even though the call came
that he alr passed away
i was still hoping its all a lie..

reached the emergency area

mum and bro was waiting for me

my heart pounded so hard
tears just wont stay no more

walking through all the wards
looking at all the patients
i was still hoping for sth else..

till i reached outside the ward

my heart fell

the door opened
and there he was..

that cold body
with no heat
no warmth
no heartbeat

there wasnt smiles
only tears

all i heard was sniffing
sobbing

all i saw was tears
broken hearts

nothing could be held no more
i fell on my knees
held the bed
and tears rolled..

i couldnt look up..
couldnt say one word..
couldnt even call out to him..

everyone around me was trembling
no one said a single word
people held my hand
but nothing could stop the tears

us 4, kneeled on the floor
couldnt get up
couldnt move

we wont stop trembling..

suddenly
the time stopped.

all i felt was my heartbeat

i held my cousins hand..

he held mine
so tight, i could feel his heartbeat too

then
he was pushed outta the ward

and i was at his place
a place that felt so familiar

it used to be full of energy
full of noise
full of anger
full of the family spirit

now

it feels so empty..
i sat in his room
on his bed

lookin at his clothes
his toilet
his potrait..

everything came back

i walked to another room
darker

and sat in one corner
curled up

and cried..
this time, it wouldnt stop.

thats all i can do..

hiding in one corner
with no one around
nothing..

gastric worked up
due to no food all day
but i wasnt hungry..

its funny.
i actually looked at all the food
with a empty stomach
heavy heart..

nothing could go down
nothing worked.

then

i heard my cousin crying out loud
telling the others what he wanted on father's day
nothing felt worse

it all started falling

and so did my tears.

thats my uncle..
my god-father..
my second father..

now
i cant see his smile no more
i cant hear his voice no more
i cant see him no more..

not one word's been spoken since he left
not one smile's been shown since he left

he's gone..

forever..

Bye bye...


Where'd you go?
I miss you so..
Seems like it's been forever
Since you've been gone..

Where'd you go?
I miss you so..
Seems like it's been forever
Since you've been gone..

Please come back home...

Please come back home...

Please come back home...

Please come back home...

Please come back home...