I went out yesterday.
And today too. Well to be exact, my yesterday was sunday and my today is monday.

Took some neo-prints.
I was thinking if i should put unwillingly or because i was persuaded OR because i HAD to.

Apparently, my dearest zq keep saying that i owed her this set of neo-prints for a year and the fact is, only eleven months!!
There IS a difference.
11 months doesnt sound so long but a year?
It sounds LONGGGG..

Just like 3 years...

Oh *snap, snap*

Uh, sorry.
I had to snap myself back to reality.
LOL

Haha, anyway, then, we took two sets.
Because the first one turned out..
Not so expectable.

Yup.
And when i showed jasmine the pics...
She made this really, really WEIRD comment.

She thinks that Kaimin and i look like a compatible couple.
No no.
She said, "Yu two look like a couple eh."

Kaimin : wth right? haha.

But, yu must know this jasmine.
She's my honey!
If i dont love her, she'll kill me.
LOL

I mean, WTH!?
What kinda comment is that.
Haha, all of a sudden!
HAHA!!





Suddenly, i feel like i'm going nuts.

The muscles in my cheeks twitching.

My mind in a swirl.

Blood vessels bursting row by row.

Every single nerve wrecking in every single part of my body.

Limbs weakening bit by bit.

My heart is as though it's no longer hanging onto the nerves and muscles supporting it.

My rib cage is as though its breaking through.

Making way for my heart to pop out.

Haha.
I cant stop laughing.

Once, a friend told me laughing the best medicine.
Then, another, told me holding back yur tears and stomaching everything is the best medicine to happiness.
Lately, this close friend, told me to write everything down and things will turn out better.

Its funny.
I've tried EVERY SINGLE METHOD.
Why am i still not happy?

I've stomached every single tear that wants to fall.
I laugh whenever i feel sad.
I laugh at practically everything i come across.
I've been writing every now and then i feel upset.
I've even wrote some here.

So, WHY AM I STILL NOT HAPPY?

Some people thinks i'm keeping everything to myself.

Some, thinks that i'm just mysterious.

Others, dont even bother.

Majority, just dont ask.

Minority, waits for me to tell them myself.




Guess what?

I dont even know myself.

I dont even know what to say whenever yu ask me, "Why are yu sad"

Currently, i feel so F***** up.

I wanna put that word above in total caps.

But i dont wanna scare people off.

So i shall censor it.






Anyway, this will be good for me.
Maybe i should just go for more pub sessions, drinking sessions etc.
Maybe i should just COPE MYSELF AT HOME.

I SHOULD JUST ISOLATE MYSELF.

Yes. Like what jasmine said.

Yu know what?

Maybe...
Maybe, the problem lies with ME.
Whats there to pretend?
Whats there to hide?
Whats there to laugh off?

I have one word for myself.

FAILURE.




End.



Bye bye



我看着你，眼睛的毛孔视线突然变得很黑暗

但是, 对你的焦距开始变模糊

我突然发现。。

原来，爱你 和 不爱你 是不能假装的。