Day 88




i hate my life. i hate me. i hate everything about me!!!! haiz. i use to have a bunch of very very close friends. in my fanclub. now? i have none.. i use to have a lot of memories from there. now? nothing but hatred. hatred from everyone towards me. hatred from everyone i once knew. why does things change? why is that, words that arent coming out from my mouth are placed into my mouth? why are the people i once trust, once love, once care, once believe, once laugh with arent the same anymore? why arent they as close with me as before? why? no one can answer right? yeah great. neither can i. i dont have any answers for anything. i dont even know why did things turn this way. i wanna know too.. why does their face still remain in my mind? why cant i just forget them? why are the once sweet memories gone? why have they fade? gone with the time. and i cant do anything at all. sigh~ if any of them still reads my blog, i just wanna say, i'm really sorry. to anyone. lookin at the photos make me damn miserable. i feel like shit. haiz.



another thing. does people really change as time goes by? i've never believed this sentence before. until i've experienced certain things. but why does the bond between friends change when we change sch? when we grow older? if that's what growing up is all about, then i'd rather remain at sec 1. at least that's where all my best memories were. at least thats where all my friends were. people always tell me, no matter where yu go in future and as time goes by, all those standing by yu, will always be yur secondary sch friends. yeah. i hope. i'm trying to maintain it. haiz. i really feel that difference. the difference in everything. the feeling is terrible. extremely terrible. yet, when i tell people, they say i'm paranoid. i'm thinking too much. maybe i am. but sometimes, its always good to be mentally prepared..



-gone-