i dont think i got anything to say bout today.. except for the airport thingy.. haiz. it was kinda successful. for the first time.. after all the conflicts that happened.. sigh. I finally find a reason to continue.. the bond.. once again. It's back.. i felt happy.. It's really been awhile since i last saw ambience so organised and united.. I felt so happy.. Very happy. But i cant help but stop thinking of this.. What exactly am i now? sigh. a "com-helper" .. okay.. i dont know whether i should go back or not.. haiz.. I shall continue thinking.. And decide after my exams..

Haiz.. today didnt go on smoothly for me.. i dont know la.. but the problem definitely lies on me and not anyone else.. irregardless of who yu are.. but.. especially to yu.............

Sigh. "ren wo ao you" is getting exciting? i dont know.. i hardly chase this show.. but just now's episode, the part where Ou xuan's dad died? She cried until so qi cham.. Sigh.

The Following Passages Are For A Special Person Who Has This Special Place.. In.. My World And Heart[sounds kinda corny and mushy but its true..].. Yu Know Who Yu Are..

i felt my tears circling around my eyes.. but i wonder.. if it was cause of the show, or cause of some other reasons.. main reason is because, i wasnt even focusing on the show.. Sigh.

What was i thinking.. Sigh. I want yu to know this.. i dont know how to approach yu to talk.. not because i dont wanna.. i admit it this time.. is i dont dare, and dont know how to.. i know yu're annoyed by me ler.. despite yu telling me time and time again that i dont have to blame myself.. yet, i'm still blaming myself.. Haiz. I dont want yu to get affected.. But i think i blew it.. I made yu so affected, even yur nick's all about it.. Sigh. How far can a failure get?

I want yu to know this.. Its not yur fault at all.. its just me.. i dont know whats wrong with me.. but i just feel very bad bout it.. and i'm really sorry about everything.. From a trivial matter, i made it so big.. Made everything like what it is now.. Yu mean alot to me. Alot, alot. Until now, i still deeply believe that the person i tried knowing since 1st of october, means alot to me. Because yu are a very good friend.. Although the times we spend together arent much and it involved only sms-ing and internet, it made me know yu more and more day by day.. it improved our relationship and friendship between each other.. it made me think that my choice of believing yu is right. Even if yu didnt continue msging me after what yur friends told yu about me, i'll still believe yu. I believe that yu arent such a person. i dont care what others say, i'll stand by yu no matter what because that is what friends are for..

i'm very very angry with myself after reading yur blog.. I affected yu so deeply i myself too, dont know.. i didnt mean to affect yu with how i felt.. but it seems i did.. I'm really alright.. its just something i have to convince myself.. i want yu to know that i'm feeling bad is because i assured yu there'll definitely be a chance for yu to go on stage to shake hands.. i assured yu even without checking out anything.. this kinda thing, no one's at fault.. i understand, but i really cant convince myself that i have no mistake.. thats why i felt so bad.. i've been through these kind of disappointed feelings before.. when i knew yu were leaving, i had this feeling that i just broke a girl's wish of seeing her idol.. yu get it ma? thats why i cant convince myself i have no wrong.. That does not mean yu have any mistakes or wrongs.. no.. yu did nothing wrong and yu're not the one who made the mistake.. i know, neither of us is at fault.. i know. i know.. i really do.. but its just something in me..

i cant forgive myself.. i'm sorry to keep apologising to yu.. i shouldnt have irritated yu with it.

I dont want yu to get affected lo.. I hate to affect people with my mood thats why i always try my best not to tell reg or yu about my problems.. because i know it'll affect yur moods.. haiz.. most of the time.. honestly, it revolves around yu guys.. How to make yu all better, how to make yu all open up and talk.. trying to find out whats wrong because mainly now, yu two are main concern. Both of yu are somewhat the same.. Haiz.. i know something's wrong but i dont ask.. i know yu're sad but i dont dare ask, dont dare bring it up for fear it'll upset yu even more.. i'm afraid if i ask, yu'll get reminded of it and instead of telling me, yu'll just keep it to yurself even more.. when that happens, i'll be the saddest one. I dont know how to make yu two smile.. i dont know what can i do to make yu two happier like before.. methods i can think of, have already been used up and i'm already at my wits end.. sigh.

i just want yu to know this, yu arent the cause of me being like this.. its my fault. i have to convince myself.. its not yur fault.. i dont know.. i felt very very sad when yu tried talkin to me and i dont know what to reply.. then yu keep assuring me that its okay and its not my fault.. i wasnt irritated.. but i felt even worse.. i really dont know why.. guess after calming down, i know.. its all in my thinking. not yu.. its really not yu..

i will cheer up, will be happy as long as yu smile, yu are happy and arent affected by me anymore.. i will be alright .. yur feelings and emotions are the top priority now.. Sigh. Erm, about the entry yu posted.. If i really am in front of yu, guess yu wont dare pinch me also.. =x i really am alright already.. i only hope yu'll be too.. okay? i know yu'll only read this tmw morning or something.. but i really want yu to know, i will be happy for yur sake but yu have to be too. It takes two hands to clap.. Be my other hand.. =)

heard sly singing "安静" just now..

this is the first song that made me cry irregardless what kinda problem occured to me..

allow me to share it with yu..

安静

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴 安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我 也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开
你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你
是因为.. 我太爱你